How much does a man require?

How much will it take?

How much land does a man require? Tolstoy’s probing question digs deep into the essence of greed and contentment. It applies to more than just land of course. We can use the word land as a substitute for women, power, money, excitement, entertainment, content, love…

That last one is tricky. Love can quench many of the other desires for excess.

In this era we can have almost anything we want, anything but not everything. This creates frustration because although anything is possible, most things are not likely. I believe this is one of the main causes of stress today. One other reason is entitlement, but entitlement without merit. We think we deserve things based on simply existing and an exaggerated sense of self worth. Everyone gets a prize. Everyone deserves to be happy. Everyone should get whatever they desire unless it hurts someone else. But there is the problem. It almost always hurts someone else.

Its popular to look for a fight, an enemy, some larger force outside ourselves to pick a fight with. But what about the enemy within? What if we turned our gaze inward? It's often too painful so we go on the prowl on SNS or anywhere else in the real world for someone to blame for our discontentment. Imagine a world where everyone cleaned up their own shit before trying to engage in social justice. How much endless wanting and gnawing emptiness will it take to examine and deal with the death that is inside us?

The world is just wrong, design and running toward God.

disclaimer- the following is a reactive free-writing I did today. Parts may not make sense which is the way my mind is actually at times (too many times). Hopefully the stream of thought coalesces as it reaches the bottom to be more or less coherent.

May 21 2015

I feel humiliated and defensive because of this. I am against everyone. The lifestyle created in the world is based on lies and deception and valueless appetites, a house of cards built on selfish desire. But it is clothed in the lies like “ I am simply providing for my family or I am doing God’s work or I am working hard or its simply business. It’s sickening when I see the results of greed. People seem so blinded to the obvious mayhem of huge cities devoid of value and meaning. Highways carrying vehicles, passengers, and goods that have no value to and fro creating an ugly landscape. Sadness overtakes me when I look upon the scars and think what could have been what could be. (Roppongi Ichome)

Restaurants serving basic food for exorbitant prices because the people eating there just need fuel to keep the machine of worthlessness going. Unable to stop or they will suddenly realize the emptiness of their pathetic existence. Crammed in smoke filled boxes they come and go like ants who never question their purpose or worth. Nicotine is fuel as well as alcohol and it numbs and dulls the senses to avoid the constant pain of our inflicting. We are masochists feeding monsters inside us and the grand monster of modern society we have built. Is it too late to turn back? Keep shoveling coal into the mouth of the beast. All would have to stop shoveling for it to work. One brave soul trys to stop rowing but the boat still moves toward destruction because the masses will not listen. Can one voice one man make a difference? Noah, Moses, Abraham, Jesus, John the Baptist a honey and locust eating voice of reason crying out in the wilderness.

Design- it is thinking. It is stopping to think. It is considering what is best for  the particular needs. God is master designer and when we design we echo part of His careful concern for what is right instead of lunging awkwardly forward. Whatever we design and we should design everything in our lives not simply products or houses or cities. We should design our lives individually based on values not on social coercion or mindless appetites.

If God does have a plan for our lives it is a plan for each life and specifically designed for each person. But what if the people and societies we live in and are connected to , thwart His efforts at every turn? He can stop this negative influence but sometimes our minds are so conditioned that we intentionally or unintentionally move in the wrong direction. These directions are hard to tell because our own hearts are so deceptive that what may seem the incorrect direction or decision may actually be the one we need to choose at that moment but we are so out of calibration that its too late to realize our mistake. In our fear or selfishness we reject the very thing we need to embrace. Often that thing is death to self- the desires of the self. Instead of seeing it as the negative of rejecting lamenting loss of self, we need to see it as running toward God. If we run toward God self is supernaturally rejected and if we do it whole heartedly as opposed to half-heartedly it is less painful because we spend less time in the middle asking what ifs.

God as our portion or other things. The nature of idolatry.

We search for answers. Is this search itself idolatry? Isn't it a lot like the search for knowledge of Adam and Eve in the garden? Is God not enough? Do we need answers to life's questions as well? Will this quest for answers ever be satiated? I don't believe it will.

We are perpetual planners never able to live in the present. We live in the future always wondering if there cant be more. Is it simply greed, not realizing that God himself could be our portion. We cant focus on the important because we are distracted by the cares of this world. We are frustrated by our own vain pursuits and this is why we feel thwarted at every turn. We want things we have no need of and things that will actually hurt us. We trade true freedom from desire for the slavery of things and false security. No wonder we are so stressed. We have no integrity with our true identities as children of a living God. We have created a valueless world that drives us. Instead of a world that facilitates our needs and the needs of our fellow man we have created a world that caters to our lusts and weaknesses. The marketplace annoys us and saps us of any useful energy until we are bankrupt with nothing left to spend on what really matters. We had good intentions, or did we? But even if we did they have been traded for food for our stomach instead of our soul.

We blame others like corporations and religion or our parents but we have no one else to blame but ourselves. We can choose to live a different life. We don't have to work that meaningless job but it may mean no more wine or new phablets or laptops or "vacations" or extra clothes we buy on impulse or eating out or cars or even insurance or any other fear or pleasure based constructs. We may have to dig our way out bit by bit but we can begin now. Or do we need to truly hit rock bottom. But haven't we already? Think about it the next time you see that pop up add on your computer, you know the one that is blaring in your ear "Hi Im not sure how you reached this website but lets make some money" or your asked to do something really counter intuitive at work and you ask your self "if this product or company were never to exist would the world be a better or worse place?"

Forgiveness

I am more and more convinced that forgiveness is the linchpin of life. It is the thing that holds life together. That keeps it from crumbling into a pile of ash. It is the the thing that makes a higher plane of existence possible.

Christian theologian, Lewis B. Smedes said: “To forgive is to set a 

prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”

Websters dictionary says:

for·give

 verb \fər-ˈgiv, fȯr-\

: to stop feeling anger toward (someone who has done something wrong) : to stop blaming (someone)

: to stop feeling anger about (something) : to forgive someone for (something wrong)

: to stop requiring payment of (money that is owed)

It's not about weather people deserve forgiveness or not its about adjusting our feelings attitudes and actions to deal with the offense on our own terms. We have power to do this. It is not easy but we do have the power to do this. That is of great comfort to me because part of what is taken away from us when someone hurts us is power. We don't feel in control of that situation as a victim. But when we forgive we are doing something so right. We are accomplishing a real meaningful need in the world. But but... no buts who cares if they don't deserve it. 

Sometimes we don't want to be forgiven. We want to pay for what we did to the other person and be done with the guilt or continue to wallow in it. I believe this is nothing noble but simply self-pity, ego rearing it's ugly head. It is pride. Even though we may appear to be sorry or contrite we don't want to appear or be needy or a burden. At this point we are the most vulnerable and weak and in need of the healing power of forgiveness but we sometimes refuse to accept it. Again this is just pride- the ugly kind. We feel like beggars and God forbid we would be powerless enough to need forgiveness. That is the lowest of lows. We need to cultivate humility in these times. We need to embrace where we are and relish the moment of our humble state of need. It is an opportunity to truly realize who we are and not try to get out from under it. We just need to say thank you and move on.

The miracle of God's forgiveness is that although we have all been treasonous against Him and we don't deserve it, and he has never needed forgiveness, He gives it unconditionally and without measure.

We all need forgiveness and therefore we should all give it. When we forgive we take back control of the situation because we have the power to do something truly "good". How many times in a day do you have that type of power? I mean life is full of empty meaningless words, feelings, emotions and actions but forgiveness is rich with opportunity to be a super hero. Imagine a world where people value forgiveness. Now imagine how your world could be if it was filled with forgiveness.  

The problem with how we see work

Economists describe work as an activity where someone receives remuneration. This is a very narrow view of work. What about your life's work. Not many people know what that even is. What about being a mom or a dad? sure it's a role and a joy at times but I can assure you after being a stay at home dad for 6 years it is work and there is no remuneration at least as economists think. 

I believe we have been following economists for far too long and now we also have adopted this narrow concept of work. One of my grandmother's favorite sayings was "well at least he is making a good living." It used to make me so angry mostly because all my decisions concerning money have been secondary. I have done the things I thought should be done and the job came last. It meant sacrificing many things of course. You can't really fault her generation, who grew up in the depression stealing coal from the train that passed through our town to heat the one room they all slept in. But when do we move on from this emergency thinking? After wars and poverty,  sure I understand but for affluent societies in relative security we are wasting our talents and minds on useless products and services. We monetize everything we do. There is no separation.

It's time to evolve and for that to happen we need to change our thinking  and definition concerning work among other ideas and actions. It has to happen from all sides both individuals and larger organizations and governments. 

candid thoughts from a pseudo- missionary in Japan.

Below is an email I sent to a supporting church when we were considered missionaries in Japan. The email was in response to a few questions they had. These are some of my previous views on missions, ministry etc. I cant say it was 100% honest. It was a cleaned up version for a very churchy "emerging " church. To be honest shortly after I could no longer stomach even asking questions alike the ones they did nor clearly defining engaging people with the message of the Gospel in the traditional ways. I found churches and other Christians to be extremely narrow minded and suspicious and therefore I felt defensive and would have to carefully choose my words. I still am/do. 

my respones:

Those are some difficult questions. thanks for writing us i'll do my best.

1. What kind of ministry is it? since it is missions and "Missions is the act of reaching the un-reached. This means that when we are reaching out to peoples that already have a 2% evangelical population and a self-replicating church movement, we are doing evangelism and not missions." it is also Panta te ethnos- to all nations- un-reached people groups. 
http://www.deeperdevotion.com/articles/1446/

we are a missions ministry to start with not an evangelistic ministry like a campus ministry in the US for instance. Our focus is the creatives. Not necessarily artists who are skilled in one particular medium but people who think and live with certain values that are common to most creatives. Some other defining characteristics are: we are mostly self-supported financially (although not by choice but necessity). We are independent or you could say interdependent (we believe the church is the community of God).We have roots and training in the A of G, YWAM, Southern Baptist, Korean Presbyterian church etc. We are pioneering. Breaking ground. Founding a new (or old) way of looking at Christian community (not a house church- not traditional congregation). We are more involved in a loose diaspora. We focus on God in the everyday-especially in the mundane. We emphasize God's providence even in the little things. We are at a stage of breaking up the ground and picking out the rocks.

2. prayer requests, so REN can pray with you!
Please pray for individuals to be moved to become long-term supporters both financially and in prayer. We need partners in every sense of the word. Pray for the health of our marriage and of our baby on the way (due in August). Special financial need of $16,000 lost income and new expenses (baby). We need love for the Japanese- sometimes frustrations seem to sap us. More Japanese Friends. Opportunities to play music do my art. Work opportunities. Spiritual warfare.

3. how are you? just brief updates, if you re overseas, how are you(and your family) coping with adjustments.

Financial concern is a constant battle and finding meaningful employment goes along with that. I have had my rights violated by the police- although very polite they have stopped me illegally and asked personal questions which can only be done if there was a crime committed etc. racial profiling- a lot of foreigners experience this. Also the middle aged men in Japan often scold young people on the street if they do something that they don't agree with- that has happened to me several times and i am getting really defensive. After almost 3 years my language ability is still insufficient to carry even the simplest conversation. Japanese is one of the most difficult languages to learn. Isolation and difficulty in making friends is a natural result of this along with the fact that Tokyo is such a big city and people are a little less inclined to be outwardly friendly. We anticipate family pressures (my wife is Japanese) from y wife's family when the baby is born. Specifically spiritual pressures for the baby to learn Buddhist practices. We also do not have any family in Tokyo to help when the baby comes and few friends.

Christianity is 1% and people are generally aloof to spirituality in general and although they are sometimes interested in my spirituality they see it as a western religion and not Japanese and therefore not for them.

it is difficult when even the simplest task is difficult when you are illiterate.  It is just a different experience than a short term missions adventure. Its more like real life  so we just end up coping, joys are simpler, and we just have to trust that in spite of us and our limitations God is doing something here even though we don't get to see it.

4. mission highlights,like if you just did some big outreach program or something.
The nature of our ministry is God in the everyday. Teaching people to have a real relationship with Jesus. Real relationships have highlights like weddings, funerals, kids being born, first time performing live at a coffee house etc. but mostly its washing dishes, going to work, talking about what's for dinner. God is there. The mundane is where we miss the real joy of who God is. We tend to go from crisis to crisis, miracle to miracle, strength to strength. God is also the God of the in betweens. That is where most people live. Most people won't meet God through Christian traditional community like what the modern church is. Since the people that benefit from most "ministries" are the same people that provide the services, the people who need often don't receive. These people who provide and receive are Christians and the people who need are non-believers. I am speaking of spiritual needs. With mercy ministries, such as feeding the poor, non-Christians often receive the benefits from christian work but this is not so with spiritual needs. In our estimation outreach programs are the wrong approach. Outreach programs are implemented when we tire of ministering spiritually to the people closest to us. We all have natural relationships through where God has placed us. Work, family, hobbies, friends, entertainment etc are all areas where we have spiritually natural influence. When we feel we have failed in these areas of they seem to be too difficult or dry, or even that people know us too well for us to be effective ministers to people's needs we create new target groups. We believe there is of course a need to always be on the lookout for new friends, family, opportunities that God will present to us.

This is a very long response. In short we feel that our lives are always to have an attitude of reaching outward. So instead of seeing outreach as event oriented we see it as an attitude we take with us. One practical way we implement this is to be a part of non-christian events that interest us. For example a local architect open a temporary gallery in an old building that will soon be torn. That is amazing we want to support her so we volunteered to help. So i guess opportunities like that would be a highlight but we really don't like to focus on highlights because there is so much more going on in the in between. It's like being distracted by a shiny object.

So i guess God wants us to be living examples in very practical way.

5. PICTURES!! 
We have plenty of pictures on our website as well as more info- movies etc. But i will send some photos of both of us in a few days. Thanks for writing us and doing all this. I realize i wrote a lot and feel free to eat the meat and spit out the bones. 

Optimistically grounded

When I was growing up in the very social seventies, I used to be afraid I was missing out on something when my parents had friends over and I had to go to bed.  I would feel that same sense of self-pity (a very bad habit I have yet to break) I feel many times today when I imagine other people’s lives as being better than mine. I would stand at the top of the stairs and try to listen in on their conversations. We often see people enjoying what appears to be a burden free life. They just seem to be well adjusted. They have all the major ducks in line. Their lives seem to be moving forward appropriately and they are planning vacations or deciding which artisanal cheese they want to buy, or dreaming of which new car they will be buying soon. Their lives just seem together generally. Then I look at my own life and think there is something desperately wrong with me as I fight with myself to find any meaning to my odd little existence. Nothing seems to ever fit. The Japanese have a term “bachigai” (場違い- literally a different place) the wrong place or out of place. Awkward. The world actually seems bachigai to me.  The systems , nature of work, money, priorities, lack of values, emptiness in so many things, and people going about their daily lives acting as if nothing is wrong. None of it seems normal or right to me but I am asked to act like it is.

Think positive they say. This attitude has been bothering me for years now because this whole “positivism” movement seems very sinister, disjointed and the wrong medicine for the problems we face. Hell it completely dismisses the existence of problems! I think it is simply the philosophy of the day but I wonder if all this denial is causing the unhappiness, depression, and feelings of being lost at sea.

In his essay entitled “Answers to Questions on Christianity” C. S Lewis answers an important question.  I like reading authors from previous decades not too far off from our own because we can sort of see what problems they faced and what the values and philosophies were and how different they are from today.   His answer was sort of a shot of perspective for me that took the edge off my angst about the state of the world and more importantly my world.

“Question 5: Many people feel resentful or unhappy because they think they are the target of unjust fate. These feelings are stimulated by bereavement, illness, deranged domestic or working conditions, or the observation of suffering in others. What is the Christian view of this problem?

Lewis:

                The Christian view is that men were created to be in a certain relationship to God (if we are in that relation to Him, the right relation to one another will follow inevitably).Christ said it was difficult for “the rich” to enter the Kingdom of Heaven, referring, no doubt, to “riches” in the ordinary sense. But I think it really covers riches in every sense-good fortune, health, popularity, and all the things one wants to have. All these things tend- just as money tends- to make you feel independent of God, because if you have them you are happy already and contented in this life.  You don’t want to turn away to anything more, and so you try to rest in a shadowy happiness as if it could ever last forever.  But God wants to give you a real and eternal happiness. Consequently He may have to take all these “riches” away from you: if He doesn't, you will go on relying on them. It sounds cruel, doesn't it? But I am beginning to find out that what people call the cruel doctrines are really the kindest ones in the long run. I used to think it was a “cruel” doctrine to say that troubles and sorrows were “punishments” . But I find in practice that when you are in trouble, the moment you regard it as “punishment,” it becomes easier to bear. If you think of this world as a place intended simply for our happiness, you find it quite intolerable: think of it as a place of training and correction and it’s not so bad.

                Imagine a set of people all living in the same building. Half of them think it is a hotel, the other half think it is a prison. Those who think it a hotel might regard it as quite intolerable, and those who thought it was a prison might decide that it was really surprisingly comfortable. So that what seems the ugly doctrine is the one that comforts and strengthens you in the end. The people who try to hold an optimistic view of this world would become pessimists: the people who hold a pretty stern view of it become optimistic. “

If we believe it is our entire fault that we are unhappy or in a bad state, that we have gone off course and made poor decisions and that we deserve whatever misery we get we can become hopeless and feel either like a target or just pitiful. But if we think we are unhappy because it is part of God’s greater plan to bring us true happiness,not that He planned for us to suffer but that He is using it, despite our failings in the matter, we might be ok with that even though the road is difficult, because there is a purpose to it all and because someone so capable is administrating( I mean in control of it not causing it) it.

 One of the other common viewpoints is one of entitlement. We feel entitled to happiness and not the type Lewis spoke of, ultimate Godly happiness, but a selfish self-serving comfortable life where we get not only what we need but most of what we want. But what if like Lewis says we believe it should be hard and it's for our own good? Then the bad is not so bad after all. This is the sort of positive/optimistic perspective I can agree with a “stern”, realistic but hopeful view.